Sunday, August 11, 2013

Friend: One word. Six Letters. Endless meanings.

Ahhh, yes, that ill-fated, poisonous word that no one with developing feelings ever wants to hear. All is well, everything feels absolutely amazing, you start falling for someone and then all of a sudden 
"Thank you for being such a great FRIEND"
UGH! What does that even mean? IS that good for me...or is it bad? What am I supposed to do with that?
We've all been there: whether we are DOING the "friend-zoning" or whether we are BEING "friend-zoned." Being put into the "friend-zone" is probably the worst feeling when you begin to develop feelings for said "friend-zoner." So what does it mean when you and the person you like are flirty, have deep conversations, make plans of all the things you're going to do together, when you get cozy with each other on the couch during a movie...and then the recipient of your feelings says "Thank you for being such a good FRIEND"? Do we, as the person with a "crush," read too much into this one word? Are we supposed to just take it as it is and continue in the relationship that we have already established, or do we move on from that person? Maybe this is just me being stubborn, but I don't think that being told that you are "such a good friend" is entirely a bad thing. Everyone starts out as friends, yeah?
I've seen many a lost potential relationship because of the assumed "friend-zone" that comes along with the word "FRIEND."  I think we get scared of the word "friend" coming out of our "crush's" mouth because we want something so much more than just a friendship with him or her. We feel so deeply for someone that the possibility that they only see us as a friend  would be devastating. I am not the best example of handling the "friend-zone" well, but I have learned much through my experiences.
One thing I have learned is that we should not be scared of being called a friend. A friendship is the relationship in which you gain trust and the way to learn about who a person really is behind closed doors, or any facade that may be up. Friendship is a genuine way to find out about those little quirks, the dreams, the habits, the hopes, the goals and the secrets about a person. Believe it or not, males and females CAN be friends without having any romantic feelings for the other. It IS possible, I pinky promise. 
Something else I have learned is that if you are "friend-zoned" by someone, it is NOT a death sentence, and the other person does still want to be your friend. Hard feelings toward someone who has put you in that state of "friendship purgatory" are not going to do anything for you but make it more difficult for you to move on. A friendship is way more important than your stubborn, hard feelings. Let it go. 
Don't get me wrong, I KNOW how hard it is to get over someone that you thought it would work out with. When you waste all of your energy holding on to those feelings, you won't be able to see all the other things in life that you SHOULD be focusing on. 
At one point I was so hung up on the feelings I had for one guy who had "friend-zoned" me and then quickly got into a relationship with someone else, that I was feeling hurt and sorry for myself. I threw myself a mega pity party and I was NOT fun at all. Just ask my roommates. All I could think about was how angry I was at him and along the way I even hurt someone who I could have had a great relationship with had I gotten over myself. I was able to mend the friendship with the guy who "friend-zoned" me, because I realized that the friendship I had with him was more important than my bad feelings. For the past 4 years, I've told myself and my friends "You have to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else," which to me means that you have to love yourself and you have to work out your big problems, completely move on, forgive yourself for your mistakes and THEN a relationship will work. If you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else?
In a way, we put ourselves in "The Friend-Zone." If the person you like plainly tells you that they only want to be friends with you, accept it. Take a day or even a week to be sad, but then get over it. If the person you like tells you that you're such a good friend, don't assume that that means they only like you as a friend. If it bothers you and is eating you alive, then ask. Be bold, be straightforward, and don't be afraid of what will happen. I promise if they don't like you as more than a friend, it's a lot less painful to know sooner rather than later because if you wait, you'll have spent all that time letting your feelings grow stronger. If they tell you that you they just want to be your friend "right now," that is also not a death sentence. Just like our parents saying "maybe," doesn't ALWAYS mean "no," 'right now" doesn't mean "forever." 
Friendship is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't assume anything that might not be. Assumption just makes things confusing. Don't do it. If you're not sure how someone feels about you and you want to know, the best way to find out is to ask.
Don't "friend-zone" yourself.

Enjoy my song of the day while you're here!
Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday!

No comments: