To the Bride and Groom...and My Best Friends

My best friend got married today.
She made the biggest decision she's ever had to make in her entire life (so far) and married Vincent.
This day was full of joy and bliss for her, her husband, her friends and family, and for me.
It was, however, tinged with a little bit of sadness for me.

Although it is the beginning of a new family that was sealed for time and all eternity in the Lord's temple, it marked the end of a time when I had my best friend as a roommate. Haley has been there for me through so much. I know I've already blogged about her once, but I think she deserves another blog post. Her parents treated me like part of their family and they never let me forget how thankful they were for me. I hope that I have let them know how thankful I am for their hospitality and for raising a daughter who loves others so much and so easily. She has been the greatest friend to me and it saddens me to know that she will never be my roommate again, but it does make me happy to know that she will be living with a man who will love her and protect her and be her constant companion for the rest of time.

Although this sealing between Haley and Vincent means that Haley will be able to be in the sealing room when it is my turn to be sealed to my husband, I wasn't be able to witness hers.  I wish so much with all of my heart that I could have  been in that room with her and Vincent, her family, his friends, and their loved ones, but I couldn't, and that makes me sad. I know that it isn't important for me to be there, but I wish I could have been. However, because she will have already made those Temple covenants, she will be able to witness my sealing.

Although Haley and Vincent are so in love, their love spikes a little bit of jealousy in me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE how in love they are,  but I am also jealous of their love. They are each others absolute best friends and she is the first person that I've had the opportunity to witness in the process of falling in love. I can't help but feeling anxious for the day that someone looks at me the way Vincent looks at Haley. I can't help but feeling anxious for the day that I get to go through the temple with my very best friend for the first time to make covenants with the Lord. I can't help but feeling anxious for the day that I get to be sealed to my best friend for time and all eternity.  I am so happy for them, and also jealous for my own selfish reasons.

Haley has taught me to be strong and true. She has taught me to never lose faith, even when it feels like everything inside of you is telling you to give up. She has helped me see that we all have our "time" and that mine is coming...and that we both hope it's sooner rather than later (haha). Haley may not know the path she wants to take in life, but she knows, spiritually, where she needs to be. I have had the opportunity to watch her grow spiritually over the last (approximately) 9 months that we've lived together and I've been inspired by her growth along with an increase in maturity.

Vincent is a whole other story. To be honest, I wasn't his biggest fan when I first met him, but he has become like a brother to me. We put on appearances, but we really do enjoy each other's company. I love him for loving Haley and being so good for her. I love that he treats her well and has shown me how a man should love a woman. He will have no problem being a loving husband to Haley and a father to their future children. He is a great example of faith, character, and hard work in my life. He doesn't ever do anything out of selfishness and he is a light in a world of darkness.

So even, though this day brings some sadness to my life, my heart is full of love and joy for the happy couple. I am excited for what the Lord has in store for their future.

To the Bride and Groom,

I am more than honored to be included in your wedding party. I love you both more than I can put into words.

Mr and Mrs Vincent Furfaro

Est. 27 December 2013

What's in a Name?

This semester has been a different experience for me. It's been so incredibly hard, yet so incredibly amazing at the same time. 

It's been quite the adventure filled with heartache, home-sickness, tears, hurt feelings, love, joy, achievement, and bonding, but what I really want to tell you about today is the bonding experiences I've had this semester, but in order to do that I have to start with a little back story about last semester.

Last semester...was not the easiest four months of my life, in fact, it was pretty miserable. I had no family here, one friend who I rarely saw and I felt extremely alone. I loved my roommates but sometimes I felt that I wasn't wanted. I grew to love them more as the semester went by and I never thought that the bond could be any stronger.

This semester has proven that to be incorrect. I want to tell you about one roommate in particular. I don't know what it was, but she and I bonded so quickly. She came back to Rexburg in September and the first thing she told the rest of us was that she was ENGAGED! We all saw it coming, but I was still extremely excited for her. Her fiance is wonderful and I have grown to love him even more than I did at the end of last semester. They have become my very best friends. 

Haley got me to start running with her, and even though it's sometimes a struggle for her to get me to the gym or when I complain, she still encourages me and is always so proud of me. 

We do pretty much everything together. Okay, so not everything, but I spend a lot of time with her and Vince.  I don't know what I'd do without them this semester and I don't know what I'm going to do without them in the winter.

Haley understands me, even when I'm crying hysterically about something dumb. She never makes something that I feel is a huge deal, less than what it feels like. 

Whether it's acting really stupid in public, going to the testing center together, going to the gym, building a bunk bed fort and having a sleep over, spooning, crying to each other, planning a wedding, we have been through a lot this semester and I cannot express to you how much this girl inspires me.

She'd do anything for me and I'd do anything for her. I feel like I can't say "thank you" to her enough for all that she does for me.

She, to me, is the true definition of a friend. I can't call her my "best friend" because that doesn't explain our friendship. Besides, what's in a name? It means nothing if it can't be explained. She's more than a "best friend" to me.

I'm so thankful for her and for all that she does for me!

I love you, H!

I cannot wait to be a bridesmaid in your wedding! I love seeing you so happy!

31 DAYS!

When Words Fail Me.

Sometimes, words get in the way and I
 have to let music take over and fill 
in the spaces that are left behind. 
I'm not the best as speaking what I feel.
Some days the only thing that 
comes out of my mouth is
a song.
This song really says a lot 
and I haven't been able to
get my mind off
of it.
It's perfect. 
So, here's to those of you, like me,
 who sometimes have to let music 
speak for us.

And more importantly, this one is for you.




































It's a little bit funny , this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money, but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

See I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world

If I was a sculptor, but then again no

Or a girl who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world

Learn to Accept the Apology You Deserve, but Will Never Recieve

This is my apology.

About four months ago I had some learning experiences with someone who was my best friend at the time, but we are now only strangers with some memories: good and bad.

We did a lot of fighting near the end of our relationship and I accept responsibility for 60% of it,

but I'm realizing now, that my taking "responsibility" for that has proven to be unhealthy. 

I've beat myself up, made myself sick and tried everything possible for six months to get this person to forgive me and for him to apologize to me as well, and even though I've realized that I can't force someone to apologize to me, I can apologize and accept the apology that I will never receive. 

I am not the kind of person that is okay with dwelling in anger and tension, and I try my very best to be friendly with anyone from "my past."

Nothing good comes from hate, so I always try to avoid that, but in some situations, you cannot be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you.

So, this is my apology.

 When I say this is my apology, know that I've already apologized to this person...many times.

This apology is not to him, I've already forgiven him, no, this apology is to myself.

I can't get back that part of my life, and I don't live with regrets.

There's nothing left that can be said. 

There isn't a way for us to be friends again.

There is only one road to peace of mind and a light heart, and that road is the one of self forgiveness.

I've learned that if you can't forgive yourself, you'll never truly be able to move on.

It's hard to do that, but it's so worth it.

I've learned that, even though I'm happy, I can't fully give my heart to someone else, until I forgive myself

for what happened four months ago.

I apologize to myself for every destructive thought about myself as a person.

I apologize to myself for every hurt feeling, every rude comment taken to heart.

I apologize to myself for allowing my heart feel so heavy over something that I moved on from months ago.

I don't regret much in my life, and I wouldn't change what happened because I grew from it, learned from it

and I finally realized how to be happy. I learned what I want in my life

and what I don't want in my life.

So, I apologize to myself for ever letting my mind, heart and body be overwhelmed with hard feelings

and grief about what happened being "my fault." 

I've learned to accept what is and step forward in a new direction. 

I am so incredibly happy with my life and my new outlook on life and past relationships. 

Nothing should ever stop you from loving others.

We're Just As Bad As Him

We all know the story, but in case you don't here's a little recap: Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, has made the controversial comments of:

“We hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that.” 

...as well as...

"In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids," he says. "Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don't alienate anybody, but you don't excite anybody, either." 

 Jeffries doesn't allow plus-sized clothes to be sold from his stores, because he says that he "doesn't want larger people shopping in his store." 

What a swell guy, right?   Fine. Go ahead and be a bigot and judge a woman's beauty by her size or the way she looks. I don't particularly care for the middle-school looking styles that Abercrombie and Fitch sells either way, but there is another controversy tied to this story as well.  The other, lesser recognized, is the one where WE, as the angry mob of consumers who believe that Mike Jeffries is destined for a warm, fiery future, stoop to his level by judging, making fun of, and criticizing HIS looks. Mike Jeffries looks like this:

Not the most attractive guy, you've ever seen, right? I sure don't think so,either, but my problem isn't with his looks. You look the way you look. You can't really change that, unless you want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to make yourself look like other

 people's idea of what "attractive" is. No, my issue isn't with how hypocritical this guy is, but how judgmental and crude the rest of us are being. Memes of Jeffries float around every social networking site that I take part of (Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, Pinterest, etc.) and today I ran across this one while I was on Pinterest. I was so frustrated by this, that I stopped in the middle of my pinning spree to write this blog:

Just take a minute, and think about the double-standard that is taking place here. 

If you've been able to recognize and pick out the double-standard and hypocrisy of both sides of this controversy, then please read on, but if you haven't been able to see what's wrong with the above picture, then please stop reading, this post isn't for you.

The hypocrisy of our angered statements are just as ugly as the words Jeffries speaks about "fat" and "uncool" kids.  If we are so angry about Jeffries judging and making ignorant comments and if we believe that it isn't okay for him to treat human beings this way, why are we doing it to him? The issue here is what he is saying and doing and should not be what he looks like. Point out the hypocrisy, okay, but when we start creating memes like this one...

 ...and the one above, aren't we just as bad as him?

What I am not saying is that Mike Jeffries is correct in his opinion and hateful comments about what he thinks beauty is, but we are also not correct in making fun of him. If we are so bent on changing the world's view of judgement and beauty, we need to start with ourselves. Those who are secure in their lifestyle do not feel the need to harass, attack or put down others. Mike Jeffries is incredibly arrogant and frustrating, yes, but we need to learn that attacking him (especially when he won't see what we have to say), is not going to change his opinion. In the words of Dieter F. Ucthdorf:

"We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children."

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon," he said. "When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges or wanting to cause harm — please apply the following: Stop it!"

"A heart full of love," it's hard to love someone who is so crude in his ways but that's what we need to do. Instead of hating, backfiring our bad thoughts about Mike Jeffries, we need to show love and compassion toward HIS lack of love. Like Jeffries, our hands are just as stained by hate when we react to him the way he reacts to "unattractive" people.

The Girl Who Never Thought She Could

I ran.

Not "I ran because someone was chasing me" ran.

Not "I ran because I was racing my friend" ran.

I mean, actually ran. 1.5 miles ran.

This may not seem very impressive to you, but for the girl who lived her whole life in fear of her asthma, this is a big accomplishment. 

I was the girl in high school who found any way to get out of running the mile because I was embarrassed.

I've heard it many times: "You shouldn't be embarrassed. You have asthma, it's okay."

But it wasn't okay. Not to me.

It was embarrassing.

For the longest time, I let my asthma control my life.

It's a scary thing, that asthma.

I have never been a couch potato, but I didn't do as much as I could have.

I was always scared that I'd stop breathing and I'd suffer through yet another asthma attack.

A lot of people who don't have asthma, don't understand why it's hard for me to "just do it".

Over the seven week break, I had nothing to do during the day usually, so I went to the gym.

It was only until the beginning of this week that I started waking up every day at 6 am to go running at the gym with my roommate.

At first, it was really embarrassing to run with her because she's been running for years and she can crank out four miles in an hour. 

I, however, could not.

She encouraged me, though.

She never makes me feel like I'm not doing well enough.

Today, I realized that after I ran, I was breathing just fine. 

No wheezing, no dizziness, nothing.

Just pain in my legs.

JUST PAIN IN MY LEGS!

This made me cry.

I was so happy that I have finally pushed through my asthma and ran.

I ran. A lot.

I still can't crank out 4 miles in an hour, but I also haven't been running since high school.

So, to my favorite gym teacher from middle school:

That girl who cheated on the mile run,

that girl who came crying to you because she was so embarrassed that she couldn't do it,

that girl who could not, no matter how much she wanted to, run that mile,

well, she doesn't feel like her lungs are on fire anymore.

She doesn't feel like she's going to pass out after ten minutes.

She can run that mile now.

I never imagined that I would ever be able to participate in a 5k, but tomorrow, I'm a participant in the BYU-Idaho Glow Run 5k. 

All I had to do was realize that I can't compare my chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 21.

Fact is, I may not be able to run four miles consecutively, but my determination has never been stronger.

One day, soon or not, I will be able to run four miles without stopping.

I'm not using my asthma as an excuse anymore.

Milkshake Friday 2.0!

It's Friday! That can only mean ONE THING! You guessed it:

MILKSHAKE FRIDAY!

BUT before I get to that part of my day, I have to go in order of events that occurred today!

I woke up at 8:45 on the dot ( don't ask me how I remember that)! Between 8:45 and 9:15ish is all a blur, but around 9:15 I did some laundry, and headed up to the gym! It's been a while since I've been in the gym because I'm not *supposed* to participate in "strenuous activity" but I do anyway. 

I got up to the gym on the third floor of The Willows and I found that I had it all to myself! This was great because when I work out around other people, they become too concerned too quickly: my face gets tomato red after a short amount of exertion so people think I'm about to die or something...Nope, guys, I just have blood cells that are very near the surface of my skin. It's nice that people care, but it gets annoying after the first

"Oh my goodness, are you okay? Do you need some water? Are you going to pass out? Do you need to sit down for a while?"

I promise, if my answers are ever "No. Yes. Yes. Yes," (respectively), I'll take care of it. 

Yes, yes that is an episode of Full House up there on that TV screen. I enjoyed some Gilmore Girls, as well, as I used the elliptical. It was great entertainment and motivation to stay on the machine longer.

 After my wonderful workout I did some more laundry (boring stuff, I know) and got a head start on cleaning for Move-In day in two weeks. JUST TWO WEEKS! It feels like this 7 week break just began. It's bittersweet to see the end of it because I'm excited to see my roommates, my sister, my dad and friends from back home, but I'm terribly sad to say goodbye to some great people.

I spent about two hours at the Help Desk on campus because my computer was being dumb. Vaughn, the smarty pants who fixed my computer, was super funny and very helpful! He didn't really figure out the problem, but he gave me a new Anti-Virus and AdwCleanse to scan and clean out my computer. IT WORKED! Those guys in the Help Desk are such swell guys!

When all of my laundry was done, I decided to tackle the beast I call "my closet". Our closets are a bit...odd. There are two 'levels' and neither are tall enough to fit dresses or skirts, so I figured out how to fit mine so that I could navigate in my closet more easily. I folded up dresses and hung them like you would hang pants.

I also took out all my socks and tights and nylons, rolled them up,put a rubber band around them (to keep them organized) and fit them all in this perfect sized box that my mom sent to me full of shoes! I hadn't checked to see if the box would fit at the bottom of my closet but, alas, it did! It fits PERFECTLY! 

 I also, took the box that USED to house my socks, rolled up my t-shirts, tied them with a rubber band and put them in their new home. So tidy!

And of course, my shoes. They used to all be on a pile on the floor of my closet, but when you have a small closet, you realize how many shoes you actually have. Some of these babies may have to be donated or sold because 1) I don't wear some of them and 2) I don't really have the room.

Flats have their own shelf (which used to have other under clothing on it).

My heels, also, have their own shelf. Sorry for the poor quality picture. 

 And of course, my boots! Those are too tall to be on a shelf, and I ran out of shelf space, so they live on the floor.

I'm pretty happy with the re-organizing f my closet. I know that was long and boring, but it was supposed to give you college girls some ideas and tips of how to make the best of such a small space.

Onto greater things!

After I finished my closet, I headed on over to Cottonwood (the apartment complex in which the men in my ward live)! It's basically my second home. I have great friends that live in those apartments. Right as I was walking to Matt's apartment, he pulled into the parking lot, coming home from work. Sometimes I have great timing. Unfortunately, like last night, his roommates weren't there so we spent some time outside talking. We decided to use SuperCook to figure out we could make for dinner. We found A LOT of macaroni and cheese recipes, along with something called Fleischkuechle and Doggie Broth (which we found out, is actually dog food)...appetizing, huh? We didn't find much that we were interested in so Matt came up with something else. He has these ideas pop up in his head and doesn't tell me what they are until AFTER he makes them happen, and THAT is how we eventually ended up in Broulims. On our way through the Cottonwood courtyard, I just happened to glance in one of the open windows and guess who I saw?! VAUGHN! The Help Desk smarty pants! What a funny coincidence. After I did some introductions and chatted for a little while, Matt and I were on our way. 

We navigated through the store and wound up in the ice cream section. We do love some good ice cream. We picked up some French Silk ice cream and headed back to his apartment.

WE HAD MILKSHAKES FOR DINNER! 

Of course. Duh. What did I expect on Milkshake Friday?!

In the process of making said milkshakes...I broke his blender. Dang it. I knew technology hated me.
He assured me that it was okay, but I still feel bad about it. I mean, the man bought us ice cream and what do I do? I break his blender...

We also enjoyed more Doctor Who. Matt is addicted now, no big deal.

Well, that was MY Friday. I hope yours was just as fabulous! Tomorrow (or today for those of you in different time zones) is Saturday, and we all know Saturday is a special day, so make it EXTRAORDINARILY special. Go out and do a good deed for a stranger, or help your mom without being asked. No matter what you do, decide to forget yourself and make it a day about others! I promise it'll be a great day if you do that.

I'm off to bed!

Enjoy my song of the day while you're here.

This one is an old favorite from my childhood. I know my sister will be happy to see it on my blog, so this one is for you, Pink!

"This is My Idea" from the movie Swan Princess

"I see him smiling and my knees start buckling. I see inside him and my doubts are gone."

"Til now, I never knew, it was you I've been dreaming of."

 So romantic! Oh la la!

Honor Code

Today, Thursday, consisted of...a lot of craft time, and reading. I basically became a self induced shut-in. I decided to take the day and get crafty. Okay, so I actually had this craft idea in my head for a few days now, started it yesterday, but improved and finished it today.
I basically put together a little "Fake Book but Real Inspiration" book is what I'm calling it. I'm so original, I know. I pulled together some of my favorite scriptures and quotes and made it one of those Pinterest inspired "Read this when you're feeling (happy, sad, joyful, stressed, etc)..." booklets for someone who means a lot to me.
After that, I spent some more time reading Mountains Beyond Mountains, a book I am borrowing from a friend. A non-fiction biographical story of Dr. Paul Farmer, a man who loves the world and the people in it enough to set out to do all he can to cure it of disease. I'm only about half way done with it, but I've fallen in love with Dr. Farmer's ambition, determination, love, selflessness, and charity. I highly recommend you guys check it out.

Tonight, I went over to Matthew's apartment, and of course, knowing our luck, his roommates were nowhere to be found. So, Matt popped out the screen in the living room window, and slid the TV through to me, hooked it up to his laptop, pushed the love-seat outside and enjoyed the cool night air. (See, BYU-I kids, there IS a way to hang out without breaking Honor Code...It just involves moving the contents of the living room outside!)

The ghost-looking blur in the window is, indeed, Matt.

 We talked, and watched some Doctor Who. I haven't watched much Doctor Who in a while because I used to watch it with my Dad and sister and then we kind of stopped watching it together. They continued watching separately, and I never found the time to catch up. Matt and I are both kind of the type to critique (I guess) TV shows and movies. Honestly, if we weren't us, I wouldn't ever want to watch a movie with us. Wow, that got confusing. Bottom line, we talk and laugh a lot. Last night, we finished watching The Host (after probably 3 weeks of having started it, mind you) and we were laughing and critiquing it the whole time.

After we watched two episodes of Doctor Who, he showed me something...something interesting, something hilarious, something weird, something written during the Writers Guild of America Strike of 2007-2008. The strike sought increased monetary compensation for the writers in comparison to the profits of the larger studios. 12000 film, television, and radio writers joined the strike, so clearly, the idea for this was the only one out there at the time. We watched about 15 minutes of it (if that) and I had no idea what I had just witnessed. It was funny, yes, but so weird. It falls into the category of "Train Wreck-Esque." You just couldn't look away. Here's a little snippet of "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog."

In case you were wondering, YES, that IS Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day (Eureka). Nathan Fillon (Castle) also stars in this movie. I'd tell you what it's about, but...I'm not really sure.

I'll probably have weird, weird dreams tonight that include a mix of Doctor Who and Dr. Horrible. 

Well, this was kind of an awkward blog post, but after the last one, I needed a light post. Overall, my day was pretty good and I hope yours was great! Sleep tight to all you night owls that haven't yet gone to bed, and good morning to those of you just waking up! Have a fantastic day!

Enjoy my song of the day while you're here! It's a popular one right now, but I love it! Thank you, Katy Perry, for this song!

"Roar!"

"Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?"

Just a little disclaimer on this post, I am not, by any means, perfect and I'm not saying that I am.

 I was hesitant to even post this blog because of the judgement and snide remarks I'll get from people, my friends included. I know that there are people who will go behind my back and say that I'm "wanting attention and knows that she's getting it" or that I'm "getting annoying," but believe me when I say that nothing I do or say on this blog is for attention. The words I write are just my thoughts and my personal beliefs.

JUDGEMENT. This is something I've always struggled with, but in the last 3 or 4 years, it's been easier for me to love people without judgement. Everybody judges everybody. There is no denying it. We've even been told in church to judge, but to judge righteously. Throughout high school, I had a few experiences where I was told  "You think you're better than everyone just because you're Mormon." No. Just... no. I do not think that I'm better than anyone else. I am positive that there may have been some times in my life that I came off that way, but at the end of the day, I'm just like anyone else. I did judge people, and I judged way too often and with no knowledge of the actual person under the surface. I still do judge, but I try my very best to make it a rare occurrence.

I have many friends, and some of my absolute best friends do not share the same beliefs that I do. Some may say that it's weird that I love them as much as I do, because of the choices they make. Guess what? They are the ones that have taught me to be more loving and less judgmental. 

It's really easy to fall into a group mentality and judge someone that we don't know when our friends are doing it. It's easy for us to hear a story of someone who did something weird, or "wrong" or gross, and  automatically keep the mind set of "Wow, she is seriously so weird. What is wrong with her?"  Sometimes, it's hard to get out of that mentality. What I've learned in the past and what I continue to learn is that you can't not love someone once you know their story.

This past semester, I spent time in a ward (church group) that I didn't put much effort into getting to know the girls and that alone hindered my righteous judgement of them. One girl in particular was kind of known to be a little crazy. I heard a couple stories of what she's done to 'get attention', and I automatically had this mind set that she was someone to stay away from. I didn't go around telling people that I didn't like her or that she is a bad person, but I avoided her and I made an effort to let it be known to my roommates that she was not someone I wanted to be friends with, which is probably just as bad as if I HAD told people she was a bad person. 

Recently I had the opportunity to get to know her a little bit better. I didn't learn her whole entire life story, but I did learn a little bit about her life and I realized that she wasn't exactly the person I thought she was. She is crazy, but not necessarily "bad crazy". I reevaluated my reasoning for not liking her in the first place, and I realized that my reasons were...TERRIBLE.I had never talked to her before, but judged her from what I'd heard OTHERS say about her. What does that say about me?  I don't want to be that girl, the one that judges people when there are so many things about myself that other people could judge me for. I don't want to be that person. The fact that I judged her so unrighteously probably gave HER more reason to judge me, than I had to judge her. 

I'm always reminded of a song we sing in church, "Lord,I Would Follow Thee."

Savior, may I learn to love thee,

Walk the path that thou hast shown,

Pause to help and lift another,

Finding strength beyond my own.

Savior, may I learn to love thee—

Lord, I would follow thee.

 Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly?

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can’t see.

Who am I to judge another?

"Who am I to judge another, when I walk imperfectly?" This is something I try to live by every single day of my life. Sometimes I fail, and sometimes I succeed, but at least I'm trying. Among many other characteristics of my life that I'm trying to improve, judging righteously and loving everyone I come across are at the top of the list.

I'm sorry to those that I KNOW will be annoyed by this post, but we're not all as perfect as we thought, are we? I can handle the annoyance of people toward me for this post, but I could not handle if I ignored the fact that I've begun to love people for who they are. I may not volunteer to spend time with someone, but I can love someone solely for the fact that they are a child of God. We are all in the same world, we all have our struggles, we all have our weird quirks. We are all more alike than we may think.

We spend too much time and energy looking for the bad in people, but why can't we spend that time and energy looking for the good in people and learning to love them? What harm would it do? 

I know, through my own experiences, that finding the good in people, and loving them, life is happier...and you gain more friends, and who doesn't like friends? 

Beautiful words from our dear prophet.

"Lord, I Would Follow Thee"

Friend: One word. Six Letters. Endless meanings.

FRIEND.

Ahhh, yes, that ill-fated, poisonous word that no one with developing feelings ever wants to hear. All is well, everything feels absolutely amazing, you start falling for someone and then all of a sudden 

BAM!

"Thank you for being such a great FRIEND"

UGH! What does that even mean? IS that good for me...or is it bad? What am I supposed to do with that?

We've all been there: whether we are DOING the "friend-zoning" or whether we are BEING "friend-zoned." Being put into the "friend-zone" is probably the worst feeling when you begin to develop feelings for said "friend-zoner." So what does it mean when you and the person you like are flirty, have deep conversations, make plans of all the things you're going to do together, when you get cozy with each other on the couch during a movie...and then the recipient of your feelings says "Thank you for being such a good FRIEND"? Do we, as the person with a "crush," read too much into this one word? Are we supposed to just take it as it is and continue in the relationship that we have already established, or do we move on from that person? Maybe this is just me being stubborn, but I don't think that being told that you are "such a good friend" is entirely a bad thing. Everyone starts out as friends, yeah?

I've seen many a lost potential relationship because of the assumed "friend-zone" that comes along with the word "FRIEND."  I think we get scared of the word "friend" coming out of our "crush's" mouth because we want something so much more than just a friendship with him or her. We feel so deeply for someone that the possibility that they only see us as a friend  would be devastating. I am not the best example of handling the "friend-zone" well, but I have learned much through my experiences.

One thing I have learned is that we should not be scared of being called a friend. A friendship is the relationship in which you gain trust and the way to learn about who a person really is behind closed doors, or any facade that may be up. Friendship is a genuine way to find out about those little quirks, the dreams, the habits, the hopes, the goals and the secrets about a person. Believe it or not, males and females CAN be friends without having any romantic feelings for the other. It IS possible, I pinky promise. 

Something else I have learned is that if you are "friend-zoned" by someone, it is NOT a death sentence, and the other person does still want to be your friend. Hard feelings toward someone who has put you in that state of "friendship purgatory" are not going to do anything for you but make it more difficult for you to move on. A friendship is way more important than your stubborn, hard feelings. Let it go. 

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW how hard it is to get over someone that you thought it would work out with. When you waste all of your energy holding on to those feelings, you won't be able to see all the other things in life that you SHOULD be focusing on. 

At one point I was so hung up on the feelings I had for one guy who had "friend-zoned" me and then quickly got into a relationship with someone else, that I was feeling hurt and sorry for myself. I threw myself a mega pity party and I was NOT fun at all. Just ask my roommates. All I could think about was how angry I was at him and along the way I even hurt someone who I could have had a great relationship with had I gotten over myself. I was able to mend the friendship with the guy who "friend-zoned" me, because I realized that the friendship I had with him was more important than my bad feelings. For the past 4 years, I've told myself and my friends "You have to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else," which to me means that you have to love yourself and you have to work out your big problems, completely move on, forgive yourself for your mistakes and THEN a relationship will work. If you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else?

In a way, we put ourselves in "The Friend-Zone." If the person you like plainly tells you that they only want to be friends with you, accept it. Take a day or even a week to be sad, but then get over it. If the person you like tells you that you're such a good friend, don't assume that that means they only like you as a friend. If it bothers you and is eating you alive, then ask. Be bold, be straightforward, and don't be afraid of what will happen. I promise if they don't like you as more than a friend, it's a lot less painful to know sooner rather than later because if you wait, you'll have spent all that time letting your feelings grow stronger. If they tell you that you they just want to be your friend "right now," that is also not a death sentence. Just like our parents saying "maybe," doesn't ALWAYS mean "no," 'right now" doesn't mean "forever." 

Friendship is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't assume anything that might not be. Assumption just makes things confusing. Don't do it. If you're not sure how someone feels about you and you want to know, the best way to find out is to ask.

Don't "friend-zone" yourself.

Enjoy my song of the day while you're here!
Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday!

Playing House

Yesterday was Sunday.The day before that was Saturday. I promise this isn't turning into a bad Rebbecca Black song, sometimes I just have to remind myself of the day, or I start thinking it's Wednesday when it's really Friday.

 

So, yesterday was probably my favorite day of the week: Sunday.

Church during the 7 week break is at 10:00 am, which is the PERFECT time in my mind. Spring semester we had it at 1:00 and it was....not ideal.

We all came to church, which we have in the Barrus Concert Hall in the Snow building on campus, and the lights were out. Only a couple of them were on, but for the most part we were sitting in the dark. We started sacrament meeting late because some people were trying to figure out the light situation.

We started in the dark, and after the sacrament was passed, one of the technician guys there figured out how to get the lights on. I was actually kind of bummed because it felt cozy, but the testimonies that were shared were great, nonetheless.

 

Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society were both really good this Sunday. In Relief Society, we talked about the Priesthood, and the duty of women to help men uphold their priesthood duties and how we can encourage them to use it.

We came up with a little list of ways that we, as women, can help the Priesthood holders to use their priesthood:

-Allow them to be gentlemen

-Allow them to "provide"

-Express your gratitude for them exercising their priesthood

-Respect their priesthood

-Treat men as men, and they will become men

 

After church, I headed home to make dinner for Matt! I decided that because he was going to be leaving for a few days to Moscow, Idaho for a conference it would be nice to make dinner for him so he had one less thing to worry about before he left. I had this dinner planned out since Thursday and I was really excited to get back into cooking. I've missed it, and let's be honest, I never really had any time or room to cook during the semester.

Being a poor college student, I was kind of dreading buying the fruit and other produce needed for this dinner, but I guess I went on the perfect day because I bought all THIS for only $22.

 

*Red potatoes, Olive Oil, Bananas, Lemons, Kiwi, Cucumbers, Romaine lettuce, raspberries, blackberries, peppers (not pictured), and carrots (not pictured).*

 

I made Pan-Roasted Chicken with Lemon-Garlic Green Beans and Potatoes. I was a little bit worried about the lemon-y-ness of the whole thing, and I was right, it was VERY lemony.



 

 I also made a green salad (A lot of it...I like salad): romaine, cucumbers, orange bell peppers, carrots, and celery.

 

And for dessert: FRUIT PIZZA! I was really excited about this one, but I accidentally cooked the "dough" a little too long so it didn't turn out the way it usually does, but it was still good.

*This is my own recipe. If you want it, don't be afraid to ask!*

 

 We ate outside in The Willow's courtyard because there wasn't a third person in my apartment (Honor Code), but it was a really nice evening, so it worked out.
Once we started eating, I automatically started making changes and improvements for the chicken dish for next time. I'm my greatest critic. Matt swore to me that it was really good. He agreed with me that the lemon was really strong, so that's something I'd change, but he ate it like a champ.
We ate, and talked, and laughed.
By the time we brought out the dessert, we were both so full, that we could only do a small amount of damage to the fruit pizza. We kind of sat there laughing at the enormity of it, but our friends Megan and Amanda came and ate it with us. We spent about two hours with Amanda and Megan talking before we went back to Matt's apartment.
Overall, dinner was good and fun, but I definitely have some recipe mending to do.
We had a nice evening: we ate, talked, wrote letters to missionaries, I helped him pack and "press" his clothes for his trip to Moscow.

Oh, they all awarded me "major wife points" for the dinner. I guess I'm wife material!
 Good to know!;)