My "Unperfect" "Wedding

By the time I post this, I'll have been married 3 months to the day today. Honestly, I always imagined myself getting married young and being a wife, but in the last few years after the turmoil and heartache and trouble I let myself get into, I decided that enough was enough and that I wasn't going to get married until I graduated college and had a plan for my life. I wasn't going to let a man define me and I was going to be my own person. Well, that all happened so quickly.

My journey to self discovery came fast and I quickly found myself in a spot where I was secure enough in knowing who I am and who I want to be, that apparently that was a sign from heaven that I was ready to get married and my eyes were opened to Chris. Now, if you've seen our wedding blog, you'll know our story but in case you haven't you can read it HERE.

Anyway, things happened so quickly and I can hardly believe that I got married 3 months ago. I never would have even had the  hope to believe that I'd be married to my best friend this soon in my life. I'm only 21 years old, for heavens sake.

I guess that for anyone at any age getting married, there can be a lot of doubt or uncertainty, and for me the voice of my friends back home and even some family asking if I'm sure that I want to get married so young rang strong in my mind. I knew in my heart that Chris was my person. He's the one I want to spend eternity with, but being as anxious as I am, I worried. I worried that after two years of friendship, I didn't know him well enough. I worried that I wouldn't be a perfect wife and that it wasn't financially smart (yes, I heard that one many times) to get married so young. I worried a lot and by the time we had traveled to the wedding, I had given myself a stomach ulcer from the stress.

I cried ten minutes before I got married because my best friend decided not to show up, I almost passed out during our wedding ceremony because I was in so much pain, I was 30 minutes late to the reception and found out that our reception photographer didn't show up and of course all of the small things didn't go as I wanted them to.

I watched my beautiful friend's wedding video tonight and cried my eyes out. She was so perfect. She was beautiful and her husband was perfect. Their reception was a fairy tale.  She had everything I wish I had at my reception. I was jealous. I was completely.

I never remember being the type of girl who planned and dreamed of her wedding but once I did start planning, I knew what I wanted but I knew compromises had to be made because we couldn't afford to pay for everything I wanted.

I'm very thankful to my parents for everything they did to make my wedding happen as closely to what I wanted, but it wasn't perfect. I didn't have the perfect wedding that I wanted, and I didn't have the perfect reception, or the perfect hair or the perfect makeup, but what I did have was my best friend as my husband.

I had my amazing family and friends there to celebrate with me. I had a beautiful dress that I still want to wear every single day of my life. I had friends and family help transform a dreary old church gym into a beautiful reception site and I had friends that I hadn't seen in years show up to surprise me.  I settled for a lot in my "unperfect" wedding, but some things I didn't settle for were (1) the man I married, or (2) the family I married into, or (3) my family who did everything they could to make my day as perfect as they possibly could.

So even though I sometimes get jealous over my friends' receptions or dresses, I know I didn't need that $8000 reception venue, that $900 dress or that $1700 photographer to make my day special. I know my wedding was beautiful. I was beautiful because  I loved my dress, I loved my hair and I loved my reception. Life is not money. It is the memories you make and the people you hold dear. And my day was just that. Filled with the important people and the important memories.

PS- Shoutout to the AMAZING photographer who did our engagements and our formals. Kendra Handy is AMAZING and you can find her website here and her Facebook page here. 

To The Girls Who Made Fun of Me in High School

It's been a little over 3 years since I graduated high school and after I graduated, I moved out to Idaho for school. That's almost 1,800 miles away from my home. I didn't move to get away from the bullies or the mean girls. I moved because I wanted to. I moved so far away because I love traveling. I'm moved away because I wanted to get away from the people I went to high school with and meet new people. I moved because Kentucky had nothing left to offer me.

There was one particular girl in high school that was not necessarily mean to me, but she had no problem laughing at me when I messed up or when I came to school looking less than HER best. I complimented this girls' daughter recently and she was shocked. She said "You're...like nice" I didn't know what to say. I mean, she was genuinely shocked that I would be nice to her. She said "Why was I always so mean to you in high school? You're actually a good person." Well, I knew that the whole time and I'm just sorry that it took you this long to figure it out. We could have been good friends.

I understand now why you made fun of me in high school.

I understand why you and your friends and other "popular girls" were not very nice to me. I get it now. It's not because you were insecure - at least, I don't think you were. For all I know you had a lot of insecurities but we weren't close enough for me to know that. You made fun of me because I was an easy target. I wasn't "uncool" or "unpopular" but I was an easy target and I made myself so. I was nice to the people that a "popular" kid wouldn't be nice to. I was an easy target because I had all these religious beliefs that you didn't understand. I was an easy target because I was awkward. I wasn't sure of myself like you seemed to be. I didn't know who I was but I did know that I didn't care about TRYING to be the "cool kids" friend and trying to sit at their lunch table. I guess for some reason that irked you. I guess that the fact that being in the "in group" didn't appeal to me, drew your attention to me because you were so used to everyone trying to impress you and be your friend.   

You might not want my forgiveness and you probably don't even care and I might be presumptuous to give it to you, but I just want you to know that I get it now. It hurt at the time but knowing that I had real friends who actually cared about me and didn't make fun of me for my faults and insecurities, it didn't really matter in the long run. I understand. But now you have a beautiful daughter and you seem to have a good life going for you. I'm happy for you because of that. 

So, everything is okay.

A Very Different, Very Happy Mother's Day.

My mom is an amazing woman. She has always been the greatest example to me. My mom deserves the moon and all the stars.

I never appreciated my mom until I was a senior in high school, but I never knew how much I loved my mom until I left for school 1,700 miles away from her.

My mom has been a strength to me my entire life. She has always been two shoulder to cry on, a hug to embrace, hands to feed, a mouthpiece  to advise and a friend to laugh with.

My Mom has always been there to comfort me from when my best friend in middle school decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore, to helping me decide what I want to be and who I want to be when I grow up, to helping me stay sane while planning my wedding.

She has always been a support to me when I wanted to start sewing, when I wanted to start dancing, when I was absolutely terrified to sing an Amazing Grace solo at my senior year choir concert, when I wanted to change my major and when I decided to marry Chris along with countless other times.

My mom never made my decisions for me, even when I wanted her to so I wouldn't have to, but allowed and expected me to make my own choices, knowing (even when I didn't) that I'd choose the right path.

My mom has always been my best friend but she always was my mother first and foremeost which I am so thankful for. At times that I wish my mom would have just been my friend rather than my mother was when I needed her to be my mother most.

She helped raise six strong, intelligent, beautiful, and talented daughters (I'm a little bias toward my sisters' characters) and for that I am ever grateful. The ability she has to support all of us, her sons-in-law, her grandchildren and her husband (who is only in the country every other month or so) and do it with a smile even when life is hard, is truly inspiring and I am so lucky to be her baby.

My Mommy will never and could never be replaced by anyone in the entire world. I always miss her and when I do get to see her, it isn't enough time. I love my mom so much and I could never begin to explain how thankful I am to her for all she has done for me. I can only hope to be as amazing, strong, beautiful, kind and selfless as she is.

This Mother's Day marks the first year for the rest of my life that I get to thank not only my birth mom and not just one mother in law, but two, for being amazing examples of strong women.

I'm getting married in 80 days to the best man that I've ever dated. Normally, when getting married, a girl gains a mother-in-law, but I get the opportunity to have two mothers-in-law.

Myra, Chris' step-mom, is a sweet woman. She loves her children and her step-children with everything she has. She accepted me when we first met and for that I am so thankful. The love and welcome I felt was comforting and I am so happy to be marrying into such a wonderful family. Myra loves her family and it is obvious to anyone that she would do anything for them. She helped bring into this world four beautiful spirits that I get to have as younger siblings (I finally get to have younger siblings!) She is an amazing woman who I am so excited to get to know a little bit better.

Chris' mother, Kelly, is not someone that I've had the pleasure to meet and someone I won't have the opportunity to meet in this life. As much as I wish that I could have met her before her time on this beautiful earth was up, I know what an amazing mother she is. I see the influence and impact she had on Chris everyday. I know by the way he talks about her, that she was a strong, beautiful woman who loved her family.

 Even though I don't get to meet her in this life, I know that she is part of the reason that I get to be happy for eternity. She brought into this world, my future sister-in-law and brother-in-law, and the wonderful, handsome man I get to marry for time and all eternity and for that I am eternally grateful. I love hearing stories of her life and I love hearing about the type of mother she was. I can only hope that she would love and accept me into her family. I cannot wait to meet her one day.

A Few Words from Chris:

Motherly Tribute

"This day always comes and goes, every year, intermixed with busy schedules, the typical social media posts and,phone calls made across the world. This year, as Mother's day is finally here, I want to take some time to truly reflect on the importance of mothers as a whole but also focus on my own mother and what she has taught me.

My mother, Kelly, has been a huge influence in my life. She raised me to be who I am today and has shaped a lot of the decisions I have made in my life. People always say you don't know how good something is until it's gone and I truly feel this way about my mother. She passed away over 10 years ago, yet, everything she taught me in the 14 years I had with her has brought me to where I am now. Sure, some people may feel sorry for me, that such a tragedy occurred to my family at a very critical age and I simply respond with, "She is still teaching me things and shaping my future and always will because I am her son."

Mother, I am so proud and extremely grateful to have had one here on Earth. I am so thankful for the morals and things she has taught me in my life and the knowledge she has given me I continually use each and every day. But mostly, I am grateful that she brought me into this world and loved me with a love only a mother could have for her child. Thank you mom, I love you!!"

This Mother's Day, I am so thankful to all the women in my life who have ever been like a mother to me and I'm so thankful to my Mommy and to my future mothers.  I hope all women, mothers, future mothers, hopeful mothers, and even those who aren't sure that they want children, know how special and loved they are.

I am so excited to one day join the amazing Motherhood Club and hopefully raise my children with as much love as my mother raised me and my sisters.

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." -Abraham Lincoln