A couple weeks ago, Elder Bradley D. Foster, a member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy, addressed the school and gave a heart-filling devotional.
On Tuesdays, I get off work early so that I can participate in these devotionals. Lately, I have been muddling through each week's devotional because I'm tired, or hungry, or I haven't prepared myself to hear what is being said. This particular week, I ended up sitting alone because my roommates didn't go, my sister was sick, and the friend I had been sitting with recently hadn't really said anything about it. I wasn't really in the mood to sit alone, but because I was so tired, I sat down hoping that someone would show up to sit next to me, but nobody did.
Even though I sat alone, how grateful am I, that I chose to stay and listen to the words of this man. His talk resonated deep within me and I felt that he was speaking directly to me.
Elder Foster spoke about trusting in the Lord's plan for us. His words hit me hard as he spoke about being patient with yourself and your life.
If any of you reading this blog know me, you know that this past year has been an emotional roller coaster for me: so many highs and many, many terrible lows. I began scolding and blaming myself for the things that were happening to me, for the friends that I lost, and for all of those emotional lows. I questioned the plan that the Lord had for me, asking
"Why, if I'm doing everything I should be doing, is this not happening for me?"
"Why am I having such terrible luck?"
"How long is it going to take to prove myself?"
"Why can't I keep a relationship for longer than a month?"
And the worst question of all:
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
Hearing Elder Foster speak gave me a new outlook on my so-called "bad luck". I don't have bad luck, I'm just impatient. I romanticize the life that I want which only brings self-doubt and loathing when the things that I want to happen, don't happen.
The Lord has a plan for me. I remind myself of that every day and it's easier to be friends with that ex, mend a lost or broken friendship, and love the life I am currently living. If you have ever asked yourself, any of the questions that I hounded myself with, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, you don't have bad luck, and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone but the Lord. He is the one who has the plan for you, who knows you best, and who shows you unconditional love every day, even if you don't see it.
I have always been a firm believer that you cannot plan the outcome of your life. You can plan and sort and perfect every detail of your life, but at the end of the day, the Lord has a plan for you and that it is what matters. I believe in being prepared and having goals and gaining experience in this life, but really, we can't control the outcome of our life and we have to trust that the Lord has something planned for us. He has not forgotten about you.
So, thank you, Elder Foster, for helping me understand that having patience with myself is the BEST thing that I can do for myself.