The other day, I was describing my view of love to a friend of mine from home (Kentucky home) and she told me that it has been ruined. She said "love should be exactly the fantasy you can dream up and even more and if it's not that, you need to keep looking. Don't settle for someone less than your prince." My prince? Yeah, I'm not a modern day princess and my life is not a picturesque fairy tale. I'm not looking for a prince, I'm looking for a man that can love me for me.
I grew up in VERY loving home with parents who loved me and my sisters. I was very blessed to have been raised in a family where divorce was never an option. Of course my parents had arguments, as any normal married couple would, but there was never any infidelity or separation or whatever else the world has to throw out as option for a couple who believe they "just aren't working out". Even though my parents loved each other and I grew up with the example of a healthy relationship, my friend was right, my view on relationships and dating HAS been ruined.
Okay look, don't feel sorry for me. I don't write this to get sympathy votes, it's just the way it is for me. My view on relationships and love has been ruined by many a failed relationship. Ever since I started dating at age 16, it's been failed relationship after failed relationship. It didn't really matter much to me in high school, but 3 years into college, I have to use both hands to count the amount of times I've been dumped, lied to, or used as a stand in for someone better to come along.
Recently I decided to take a "break" from dating so I can focus on school, church, work and myself. No dating drama. Seems pretty easy, right? Well, this actually isn't an easy feat for me (easier said than done) because I like going on dates and meeting new people. I enjoy getting to know people and I don't like saying 'no' because I know how hard it must be for some guys to ask girls on dates. So when a guy I met last semester, let's call him Sam, asked me to watch a movie with him, I was in a really tough spot but I couldn't say no. The first time I met Sam it was through a mutual friend. When I saw him, I instantly thought he was really cute, but never did anything about it because I thought he was taken. About a week ago I found that he wasn't dating anyone. We started talking on our own instead of always waiting for me to be invited to a group activity that he would be at. It's only been five days since this spark caught flame, but here I am waiting for the fall out.
Honesty is very important to me. I don't want to hear all the reasons why you think I'm a "great girl" or why you're "sorry that there was confusion," just be honest and the whole world will keep on spinning, and my heart WILL keep on beating. If you don't like someone that likes you, tell them that. Do it nicely, but do it. Dishonesty is one of the HUGE reasons why I'm more inclined to deny a relationship. I don't want to be lied to. Who does? Dishonesty scares my very soul. If you can't love me for me, I don't want you to love me at all.
Really, though, if I'm being honest (ha, get it?), I can be very insecure and what dating has taught me so far is that I'm not enough this, or I'm too that. I used to believe in the whole 'fairy tale love story' that movies put out there for little girls to grow up hoping to have some day, but I don't anymore. I've learned that it doesn't work that way. Seriously, though, dating has taught me to wait for the spark to die out, to jut sit around waiting for the day that he gets bored of me, to wait for the day that someone better (no matter how good of a girlfriend I am, no matter how honest and real I am) comes along and I'm left sitting between Point A and Point B having to trudge my way all the way back to that starting point. Again and again this has happened...and I, well, I have gotten used to it. I'm realizing that I EXPECT it now. How sad is that?
It's pretty sad if you ask me.
Look, my view on relationships is a little bit of a negative one, but that doesn't keep me from actively looking for the person that will treat me differently the next time around. I don't expect someone to miraculously change me, and I don't expect some fairy-tale "knight in shining armor" to save me. I'm doing my best to change my view on relationships and I do that by meeting people who make relationships look real, instead of like some fantasy world that only the most happy, perfect people are allowed in to. I spend less time trying to dream up this fantasy man and pray more to find someone who has a lot of patience, because heaven only knows I have to marry a patient man. I spend less time worrying about having a boyfriend, and more time trying to be a better daughter of God, a better sister, a better friend.
My view on relationships isn't perfect and it can be a little bitter sometimes (welcome to almost every single, 20-something, hopeless romantic's life) but I won't apologize for that. I am not in any way atni-love or anti-relationships. In fact, I absolutely love the idea of relationships and falling in love, and getting married. I LOVE the fact that two people who love each other can spend the rest of eternity together, even after death. Just so you know, I WANT a relationship. I WANT to find that person who is going to help make me a better woman. I WANT to find the love of my life, and I'm working on it, I'm just slowing down a little bit. So, to all those people at home who ask my Mom every week if I'm married yet: Nope, I'm not and that's okay. I will be eventually and I promise to let you know when I finally get to say 'I do' to that special man.
My view of love has been ruined, but mostly my view of love has just become more realistic and mature.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Have Patience with Yourself
If you don't attend Brigham Young University- Idaho, you probably don't know that every Tuesday at 2pm campus shuts down for a weekly, hour-long devotional. This devotional is given by a wide-range of people, anyone from the Student Activities Director on campus to a member of the Seventy might be asked to speak to the students of BYUI.
A couple weeks ago, Elder Bradley D. Foster, a member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy, addressed the school and gave a heart-filling devotional.
On Tuesdays, I get off work early so that I can participate in these devotionals. Lately, I have been muddling through each week's devotional because I'm tired, or hungry, or I haven't prepared myself to hear what is being said. This particular week, I ended up sitting alone because my roommates didn't go, my sister was sick, and the friend I had been sitting with recently hadn't really said anything about it. I wasn't really in the mood to sit alone, but because I was so tired, I sat down hoping that someone would show up to sit next to me, but nobody did.
Even though I sat alone, how grateful am I, that I chose to stay and listen to the words of this man. His talk resonated deep within me and I felt that he was speaking directly to me.
Elder Foster spoke about trusting in the Lord's plan for us. His words hit me hard as he spoke about being patient with yourself and your life.
If any of you reading this blog know me, you know that this past year has been an emotional roller coaster for me: so many highs and many, many terrible lows. I began scolding and blaming myself for the things that were happening to me, for the friends that I lost, and for all of those emotional lows. I questioned the plan that the Lord had for me, asking
"Why, if I'm doing everything I should be doing, is this not happening for me?"
"Why am I having such terrible luck?"
"How long is it going to take to prove myself?"
"Why can't I keep a relationship for longer than a month?"
And the worst question of all:
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
Hearing Elder Foster speak gave me a new outlook on my so-called "bad luck". I don't have bad luck, I'm just impatient. I romanticize the life that I want which only brings self-doubt and loathing when the things that I want to happen, don't happen.
The Lord has a plan for me. I remind myself of that every day and it's easier to be friends with that ex, mend a lost or broken friendship, and love the life I am currently living. If you have ever asked yourself, any of the questions that I hounded myself with, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, you don't have bad luck, and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone but the Lord. He is the one who has the plan for you, who knows you best, and who shows you unconditional love every day, even if you don't see it.
I have always been a firm believer that you cannot plan the outcome of your life. You can plan and sort and perfect every detail of your life, but at the end of the day, the Lord has a plan for you and that it is what matters. I believe in being prepared and having goals and gaining experience in this life, but really, we can't control the outcome of our life and we have to trust that the Lord has something planned for us. He has not forgotten about you.
So, thank you, Elder Foster, for helping me understand that having patience with myself is the BEST thing that I can do for myself.
A couple weeks ago, Elder Bradley D. Foster, a member of the Second Quorum of the Seventy, addressed the school and gave a heart-filling devotional.
On Tuesdays, I get off work early so that I can participate in these devotionals. Lately, I have been muddling through each week's devotional because I'm tired, or hungry, or I haven't prepared myself to hear what is being said. This particular week, I ended up sitting alone because my roommates didn't go, my sister was sick, and the friend I had been sitting with recently hadn't really said anything about it. I wasn't really in the mood to sit alone, but because I was so tired, I sat down hoping that someone would show up to sit next to me, but nobody did.
Even though I sat alone, how grateful am I, that I chose to stay and listen to the words of this man. His talk resonated deep within me and I felt that he was speaking directly to me.
Elder Foster spoke about trusting in the Lord's plan for us. His words hit me hard as he spoke about being patient with yourself and your life.
If any of you reading this blog know me, you know that this past year has been an emotional roller coaster for me: so many highs and many, many terrible lows. I began scolding and blaming myself for the things that were happening to me, for the friends that I lost, and for all of those emotional lows. I questioned the plan that the Lord had for me, asking
"Why, if I'm doing everything I should be doing, is this not happening for me?"
"Why am I having such terrible luck?"
"How long is it going to take to prove myself?"
"Why can't I keep a relationship for longer than a month?"
And the worst question of all:
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
Hearing Elder Foster speak gave me a new outlook on my so-called "bad luck". I don't have bad luck, I'm just impatient. I romanticize the life that I want which only brings self-doubt and loathing when the things that I want to happen, don't happen.
The Lord has a plan for me. I remind myself of that every day and it's easier to be friends with that ex, mend a lost or broken friendship, and love the life I am currently living. If you have ever asked yourself, any of the questions that I hounded myself with, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, you don't have bad luck, and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone but the Lord. He is the one who has the plan for you, who knows you best, and who shows you unconditional love every day, even if you don't see it.
I have always been a firm believer that you cannot plan the outcome of your life. You can plan and sort and perfect every detail of your life, but at the end of the day, the Lord has a plan for you and that it is what matters. I believe in being prepared and having goals and gaining experience in this life, but really, we can't control the outcome of our life and we have to trust that the Lord has something planned for us. He has not forgotten about you.
So, thank you, Elder Foster, for helping me understand that having patience with myself is the BEST thing that I can do for myself.
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