What's in a Name?

This semester has been a different experience for me. It's been so incredibly hard, yet so incredibly amazing at the same time. 

It's been quite the adventure filled with heartache, home-sickness, tears, hurt feelings, love, joy, achievement, and bonding, but what I really want to tell you about today is the bonding experiences I've had this semester, but in order to do that I have to start with a little back story about last semester.

Last semester...was not the easiest four months of my life, in fact, it was pretty miserable. I had no family here, one friend who I rarely saw and I felt extremely alone. I loved my roommates but sometimes I felt that I wasn't wanted. I grew to love them more as the semester went by and I never thought that the bond could be any stronger.

This semester has proven that to be incorrect. I want to tell you about one roommate in particular. I don't know what it was, but she and I bonded so quickly. She came back to Rexburg in September and the first thing she told the rest of us was that she was ENGAGED! We all saw it coming, but I was still extremely excited for her. Her fiance is wonderful and I have grown to love him even more than I did at the end of last semester. They have become my very best friends. 

Haley got me to start running with her, and even though it's sometimes a struggle for her to get me to the gym or when I complain, she still encourages me and is always so proud of me. 

We do pretty much everything together. Okay, so not everything, but I spend a lot of time with her and Vince.  I don't know what I'd do without them this semester and I don't know what I'm going to do without them in the winter.

Haley understands me, even when I'm crying hysterically about something dumb. She never makes something that I feel is a huge deal, less than what it feels like. 

Whether it's acting really stupid in public, going to the testing center together, going to the gym, building a bunk bed fort and having a sleep over, spooning, crying to each other, planning a wedding, we have been through a lot this semester and I cannot express to you how much this girl inspires me.

She'd do anything for me and I'd do anything for her. I feel like I can't say "thank you" to her enough for all that she does for me.

She, to me, is the true definition of a friend. I can't call her my "best friend" because that doesn't explain our friendship. Besides, what's in a name? It means nothing if it can't be explained. She's more than a "best friend" to me.

I'm so thankful for her and for all that she does for me!

I love you, H!

I cannot wait to be a bridesmaid in your wedding! I love seeing you so happy!

31 DAYS!

When Words Fail Me.

Sometimes, words get in the way and I
 have to let music take over and fill 
in the spaces that are left behind. 
I'm not the best as speaking what I feel.
Some days the only thing that 
comes out of my mouth is
a song.
This song really says a lot 
and I haven't been able to
get my mind off
of it.
It's perfect. 
So, here's to those of you, like me,
 who sometimes have to let music 
speak for us.

And more importantly, this one is for you.




































It's a little bit funny , this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money, but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

See I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world

If I was a sculptor, but then again no

Or a girl who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, 

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world

Learn to Accept the Apology You Deserve, but Will Never Recieve

This is my apology.

About four months ago I had some learning experiences with someone who was my best friend at the time, but we are now only strangers with some memories: good and bad.

We did a lot of fighting near the end of our relationship and I accept responsibility for 60% of it,

but I'm realizing now, that my taking "responsibility" for that has proven to be unhealthy. 

I've beat myself up, made myself sick and tried everything possible for six months to get this person to forgive me and for him to apologize to me as well, and even though I've realized that I can't force someone to apologize to me, I can apologize and accept the apology that I will never receive. 

I am not the kind of person that is okay with dwelling in anger and tension, and I try my very best to be friendly with anyone from "my past."

Nothing good comes from hate, so I always try to avoid that, but in some situations, you cannot be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you.

So, this is my apology.

 When I say this is my apology, know that I've already apologized to this person...many times.

This apology is not to him, I've already forgiven him, no, this apology is to myself.

I can't get back that part of my life, and I don't live with regrets.

There's nothing left that can be said. 

There isn't a way for us to be friends again.

There is only one road to peace of mind and a light heart, and that road is the one of self forgiveness.

I've learned that if you can't forgive yourself, you'll never truly be able to move on.

It's hard to do that, but it's so worth it.

I've learned that, even though I'm happy, I can't fully give my heart to someone else, until I forgive myself

for what happened four months ago.

I apologize to myself for every destructive thought about myself as a person.

I apologize to myself for every hurt feeling, every rude comment taken to heart.

I apologize to myself for allowing my heart feel so heavy over something that I moved on from months ago.

I don't regret much in my life, and I wouldn't change what happened because I grew from it, learned from it

and I finally realized how to be happy. I learned what I want in my life

and what I don't want in my life.

So, I apologize to myself for ever letting my mind, heart and body be overwhelmed with hard feelings

and grief about what happened being "my fault." 

I've learned to accept what is and step forward in a new direction. 

I am so incredibly happy with my life and my new outlook on life and past relationships. 

Nothing should ever stop you from loving others.

We're Just As Bad As Him

We all know the story, but in case you don't here's a little recap: Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, has made the controversial comments of:

“We hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that.” 

...as well as...

"In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids," he says. "Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don't alienate anybody, but you don't excite anybody, either." 

 Jeffries doesn't allow plus-sized clothes to be sold from his stores, because he says that he "doesn't want larger people shopping in his store." 

What a swell guy, right?   Fine. Go ahead and be a bigot and judge a woman's beauty by her size or the way she looks. I don't particularly care for the middle-school looking styles that Abercrombie and Fitch sells either way, but there is another controversy tied to this story as well.  The other, lesser recognized, is the one where WE, as the angry mob of consumers who believe that Mike Jeffries is destined for a warm, fiery future, stoop to his level by judging, making fun of, and criticizing HIS looks. Mike Jeffries looks like this:

Not the most attractive guy, you've ever seen, right? I sure don't think so,either, but my problem isn't with his looks. You look the way you look. You can't really change that, unless you want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to make yourself look like other

 people's idea of what "attractive" is. No, my issue isn't with how hypocritical this guy is, but how judgmental and crude the rest of us are being. Memes of Jeffries float around every social networking site that I take part of (Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, Pinterest, etc.) and today I ran across this one while I was on Pinterest. I was so frustrated by this, that I stopped in the middle of my pinning spree to write this blog:

Just take a minute, and think about the double-standard that is taking place here. 

If you've been able to recognize and pick out the double-standard and hypocrisy of both sides of this controversy, then please read on, but if you haven't been able to see what's wrong with the above picture, then please stop reading, this post isn't for you.

The hypocrisy of our angered statements are just as ugly as the words Jeffries speaks about "fat" and "uncool" kids.  If we are so angry about Jeffries judging and making ignorant comments and if we believe that it isn't okay for him to treat human beings this way, why are we doing it to him? The issue here is what he is saying and doing and should not be what he looks like. Point out the hypocrisy, okay, but when we start creating memes like this one...

 ...and the one above, aren't we just as bad as him?

What I am not saying is that Mike Jeffries is correct in his opinion and hateful comments about what he thinks beauty is, but we are also not correct in making fun of him. If we are so bent on changing the world's view of judgement and beauty, we need to start with ourselves. Those who are secure in their lifestyle do not feel the need to harass, attack or put down others. Mike Jeffries is incredibly arrogant and frustrating, yes, but we need to learn that attacking him (especially when he won't see what we have to say), is not going to change his opinion. In the words of Dieter F. Ucthdorf:

"We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children."

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon," he said. "When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges or wanting to cause harm — please apply the following: Stop it!"

"A heart full of love," it's hard to love someone who is so crude in his ways but that's what we need to do. Instead of hating, backfiring our bad thoughts about Mike Jeffries, we need to show love and compassion toward HIS lack of love. Like Jeffries, our hands are just as stained by hate when we react to him the way he reacts to "unattractive" people.