"Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?"

Just a little disclaimer on this post, I am not, by any means, perfect and I'm not saying that I am.

 I was hesitant to even post this blog because of the judgement and snide remarks I'll get from people, my friends included. I know that there are people who will go behind my back and say that I'm "wanting attention and knows that she's getting it" or that I'm "getting annoying," but believe me when I say that nothing I do or say on this blog is for attention. The words I write are just my thoughts and my personal beliefs.

JUDGEMENT. This is something I've always struggled with, but in the last 3 or 4 years, it's been easier for me to love people without judgement. Everybody judges everybody. There is no denying it. We've even been told in church to judge, but to judge righteously. Throughout high school, I had a few experiences where I was told  "You think you're better than everyone just because you're Mormon." No. Just... no. I do not think that I'm better than anyone else. I am positive that there may have been some times in my life that I came off that way, but at the end of the day, I'm just like anyone else. I did judge people, and I judged way too often and with no knowledge of the actual person under the surface. I still do judge, but I try my very best to make it a rare occurrence.

I have many friends, and some of my absolute best friends do not share the same beliefs that I do. Some may say that it's weird that I love them as much as I do, because of the choices they make. Guess what? They are the ones that have taught me to be more loving and less judgmental. 

It's really easy to fall into a group mentality and judge someone that we don't know when our friends are doing it. It's easy for us to hear a story of someone who did something weird, or "wrong" or gross, and  automatically keep the mind set of "Wow, she is seriously so weird. What is wrong with her?"  Sometimes, it's hard to get out of that mentality. What I've learned in the past and what I continue to learn is that you can't not love someone once you know their story.

This past semester, I spent time in a ward (church group) that I didn't put much effort into getting to know the girls and that alone hindered my righteous judgement of them. One girl in particular was kind of known to be a little crazy. I heard a couple stories of what she's done to 'get attention', and I automatically had this mind set that she was someone to stay away from. I didn't go around telling people that I didn't like her or that she is a bad person, but I avoided her and I made an effort to let it be known to my roommates that she was not someone I wanted to be friends with, which is probably just as bad as if I HAD told people she was a bad person. 

Recently I had the opportunity to get to know her a little bit better. I didn't learn her whole entire life story, but I did learn a little bit about her life and I realized that she wasn't exactly the person I thought she was. She is crazy, but not necessarily "bad crazy". I reevaluated my reasoning for not liking her in the first place, and I realized that my reasons were...TERRIBLE.I had never talked to her before, but judged her from what I'd heard OTHERS say about her. What does that say about me?  I don't want to be that girl, the one that judges people when there are so many things about myself that other people could judge me for. I don't want to be that person. The fact that I judged her so unrighteously probably gave HER more reason to judge me, than I had to judge her. 

I'm always reminded of a song we sing in church, "Lord,I Would Follow Thee."

Savior, may I learn to love thee,

Walk the path that thou hast shown,

Pause to help and lift another,

Finding strength beyond my own.

Savior, may I learn to love thee—

Lord, I would follow thee.

 Who am I to judge another

When I walk imperfectly?

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can’t see.

Who am I to judge another?

"Who am I to judge another, when I walk imperfectly?" This is something I try to live by every single day of my life. Sometimes I fail, and sometimes I succeed, but at least I'm trying. Among many other characteristics of my life that I'm trying to improve, judging righteously and loving everyone I come across are at the top of the list.

I'm sorry to those that I KNOW will be annoyed by this post, but we're not all as perfect as we thought, are we? I can handle the annoyance of people toward me for this post, but I could not handle if I ignored the fact that I've begun to love people for who they are. I may not volunteer to spend time with someone, but I can love someone solely for the fact that they are a child of God. We are all in the same world, we all have our struggles, we all have our weird quirks. We are all more alike than we may think.

We spend too much time and energy looking for the bad in people, but why can't we spend that time and energy looking for the good in people and learning to love them? What harm would it do? 

I know, through my own experiences, that finding the good in people, and loving them, life is happier...and you gain more friends, and who doesn't like friends? 

Beautiful words from our dear prophet.

"Lord, I Would Follow Thee"

Friend: One word. Six Letters. Endless meanings.

FRIEND.

Ahhh, yes, that ill-fated, poisonous word that no one with developing feelings ever wants to hear. All is well, everything feels absolutely amazing, you start falling for someone and then all of a sudden 

BAM!

"Thank you for being such a great FRIEND"

UGH! What does that even mean? IS that good for me...or is it bad? What am I supposed to do with that?

We've all been there: whether we are DOING the "friend-zoning" or whether we are BEING "friend-zoned." Being put into the "friend-zone" is probably the worst feeling when you begin to develop feelings for said "friend-zoner." So what does it mean when you and the person you like are flirty, have deep conversations, make plans of all the things you're going to do together, when you get cozy with each other on the couch during a movie...and then the recipient of your feelings says "Thank you for being such a good FRIEND"? Do we, as the person with a "crush," read too much into this one word? Are we supposed to just take it as it is and continue in the relationship that we have already established, or do we move on from that person? Maybe this is just me being stubborn, but I don't think that being told that you are "such a good friend" is entirely a bad thing. Everyone starts out as friends, yeah?

I've seen many a lost potential relationship because of the assumed "friend-zone" that comes along with the word "FRIEND."  I think we get scared of the word "friend" coming out of our "crush's" mouth because we want something so much more than just a friendship with him or her. We feel so deeply for someone that the possibility that they only see us as a friend  would be devastating. I am not the best example of handling the "friend-zone" well, but I have learned much through my experiences.

One thing I have learned is that we should not be scared of being called a friend. A friendship is the relationship in which you gain trust and the way to learn about who a person really is behind closed doors, or any facade that may be up. Friendship is a genuine way to find out about those little quirks, the dreams, the habits, the hopes, the goals and the secrets about a person. Believe it or not, males and females CAN be friends without having any romantic feelings for the other. It IS possible, I pinky promise. 

Something else I have learned is that if you are "friend-zoned" by someone, it is NOT a death sentence, and the other person does still want to be your friend. Hard feelings toward someone who has put you in that state of "friendship purgatory" are not going to do anything for you but make it more difficult for you to move on. A friendship is way more important than your stubborn, hard feelings. Let it go. 

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW how hard it is to get over someone that you thought it would work out with. When you waste all of your energy holding on to those feelings, you won't be able to see all the other things in life that you SHOULD be focusing on. 

At one point I was so hung up on the feelings I had for one guy who had "friend-zoned" me and then quickly got into a relationship with someone else, that I was feeling hurt and sorry for myself. I threw myself a mega pity party and I was NOT fun at all. Just ask my roommates. All I could think about was how angry I was at him and along the way I even hurt someone who I could have had a great relationship with had I gotten over myself. I was able to mend the friendship with the guy who "friend-zoned" me, because I realized that the friendship I had with him was more important than my bad feelings. For the past 4 years, I've told myself and my friends "You have to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else," which to me means that you have to love yourself and you have to work out your big problems, completely move on, forgive yourself for your mistakes and THEN a relationship will work. If you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else?

In a way, we put ourselves in "The Friend-Zone." If the person you like plainly tells you that they only want to be friends with you, accept it. Take a day or even a week to be sad, but then get over it. If the person you like tells you that you're such a good friend, don't assume that that means they only like you as a friend. If it bothers you and is eating you alive, then ask. Be bold, be straightforward, and don't be afraid of what will happen. I promise if they don't like you as more than a friend, it's a lot less painful to know sooner rather than later because if you wait, you'll have spent all that time letting your feelings grow stronger. If they tell you that you they just want to be your friend "right now," that is also not a death sentence. Just like our parents saying "maybe," doesn't ALWAYS mean "no," 'right now" doesn't mean "forever." 

Friendship is the foundation of any good relationship. Don't assume anything that might not be. Assumption just makes things confusing. Don't do it. If you're not sure how someone feels about you and you want to know, the best way to find out is to ask.

Don't "friend-zone" yourself.

Enjoy my song of the day while you're here!
Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday!

Playing House

Yesterday was Sunday.The day before that was Saturday. I promise this isn't turning into a bad Rebbecca Black song, sometimes I just have to remind myself of the day, or I start thinking it's Wednesday when it's really Friday.

 

So, yesterday was probably my favorite day of the week: Sunday.

Church during the 7 week break is at 10:00 am, which is the PERFECT time in my mind. Spring semester we had it at 1:00 and it was....not ideal.

We all came to church, which we have in the Barrus Concert Hall in the Snow building on campus, and the lights were out. Only a couple of them were on, but for the most part we were sitting in the dark. We started sacrament meeting late because some people were trying to figure out the light situation.

We started in the dark, and after the sacrament was passed, one of the technician guys there figured out how to get the lights on. I was actually kind of bummed because it felt cozy, but the testimonies that were shared were great, nonetheless.

 

Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society were both really good this Sunday. In Relief Society, we talked about the Priesthood, and the duty of women to help men uphold their priesthood duties and how we can encourage them to use it.

We came up with a little list of ways that we, as women, can help the Priesthood holders to use their priesthood:

-Allow them to be gentlemen

-Allow them to "provide"

-Express your gratitude for them exercising their priesthood

-Respect their priesthood

-Treat men as men, and they will become men

 

After church, I headed home to make dinner for Matt! I decided that because he was going to be leaving for a few days to Moscow, Idaho for a conference it would be nice to make dinner for him so he had one less thing to worry about before he left. I had this dinner planned out since Thursday and I was really excited to get back into cooking. I've missed it, and let's be honest, I never really had any time or room to cook during the semester.

Being a poor college student, I was kind of dreading buying the fruit and other produce needed for this dinner, but I guess I went on the perfect day because I bought all THIS for only $22.

 

*Red potatoes, Olive Oil, Bananas, Lemons, Kiwi, Cucumbers, Romaine lettuce, raspberries, blackberries, peppers (not pictured), and carrots (not pictured).*

 

I made Pan-Roasted Chicken with Lemon-Garlic Green Beans and Potatoes. I was a little bit worried about the lemon-y-ness of the whole thing, and I was right, it was VERY lemony.



 

 I also made a green salad (A lot of it...I like salad): romaine, cucumbers, orange bell peppers, carrots, and celery.

 

And for dessert: FRUIT PIZZA! I was really excited about this one, but I accidentally cooked the "dough" a little too long so it didn't turn out the way it usually does, but it was still good.

*This is my own recipe. If you want it, don't be afraid to ask!*

 

 We ate outside in The Willow's courtyard because there wasn't a third person in my apartment (Honor Code), but it was a really nice evening, so it worked out.
Once we started eating, I automatically started making changes and improvements for the chicken dish for next time. I'm my greatest critic. Matt swore to me that it was really good. He agreed with me that the lemon was really strong, so that's something I'd change, but he ate it like a champ.
We ate, and talked, and laughed.
By the time we brought out the dessert, we were both so full, that we could only do a small amount of damage to the fruit pizza. We kind of sat there laughing at the enormity of it, but our friends Megan and Amanda came and ate it with us. We spent about two hours with Amanda and Megan talking before we went back to Matt's apartment.
Overall, dinner was good and fun, but I definitely have some recipe mending to do.
We had a nice evening: we ate, talked, wrote letters to missionaries, I helped him pack and "press" his clothes for his trip to Moscow.

Oh, they all awarded me "major wife points" for the dinner. I guess I'm wife material!
 Good to know!;)

Milkshake Friday!

Today is Friday, people. FRIDAY. I, however, thought it was Wednesday...I guess I just have a really bad case of Summer Brain.

 

Any who, I woke up today feeling kind of gross. Allergies have never bothered me until the last couple months or so. I woke up feeling like I didn't want to do much, but I got a text message from my sweet, sweet Baby Spice (LOWIN!) saying that one of our new roommates was in town and wanted to meet me! That got my sick self out of bed and dressed quickly! Coley, one of our new roommates came with her Dad and her sister to see the apartment, and wander around town. They offered to take me to lunch, so onto Pizza Pie Cafe we went.They are a super sweet bunch and I think Coley will LOVE our apartment. I felt like I was cheating on Lauren, Haley and Nahiomi because the four of us go there ALL of the time together. It was weird to be there without them, but good nonetheless. I miss those girls so incredibly much!

So I did a bunch of boring and stressful "grown-up" stuff today, and I was still feeling kind of sick, so I took a nap and woke up craving a milkshake. I drank some almond milk, because that's the closest I had to a milkshake. Yeah, that was a joke. I thought about all the places around here that have really good milkshakes, but all I was coming up with was McDonald's, and if you know me at all, you know I don't eat McDonald's, so other than that, my Summer Brain was drawing a blank. I texted Matt around 9:30pm and asked him if he knew of any good milkshake places.

 

Me: Know of any places around here that have really good milkshakes?

Matt: Sammy's and Shake Out, but I dunno any now... :) Um...can I ask why?

Me: Didn't even think of those! I just had a craving but I didn't realize how late it is.

Matt: Bums, we can make 'em if you want!

 

Of course, He would think of that! We went to Broulims, bought three different kinds of ice cream (Vanilla Bean, Beaver Tracks, and Strawberry), went back to his apartment and started experimenting.

 

 Being the nerds we are, we had to analyze each different  milkshake by taste, texture, and consistency. We also made a mess, in the process.

 

Realizing, we forgot to buy chocolate ice cream, we made an experimental Beaver Tracks milkshake with added cocoa powder, sugar (because we added too much cocoa powder), caramel and chocolate sauces, and it turned out to be... "interesting" was the word we used.

He was gracious enough and willing to take some pictures for my blog, after I told him about my daily blog entry, so here we are in all our milkshake glory:

This picture just shows how awkward of a human being I am.

 

haha, Just kidding guys. Here is our best picture. I use the term "best" lightly, because my phone's camera is...less than satisfactory.

I think our photographer was getting a bit annoyed with my phone, hence the blurriness. My apologies.

 

 

And so was born, Milkshake Friday.

 

:)

 

Enjoy my song of the day, while you're here! This is Ben Rector's song

 "Dance With Me, Baby." If you've never listened to Ben Rector, you should. And if you like HIS music, listen to Joshua Radin and Christ August. SOOO good!

 

Here ya go!

 

 

 Remember: Don't forget to Sm;)e
(See what I did there?)

 

Apparently, something was absolutely hilarious. Probably Matt pulling some sort of shenanigan.

 

 

Something About the Water.

Today at 4:26pm, Matt texted me this:

 

Matt: Monkey Rock?

 

So, in my head, I was thinking, "What? Is that supposed to be some kind of funny catch phrase?" It took me a couple of minutes to realize that he meant Monkey Rock, as in the waterfall! We talked about going last night but it started raining (see yesterday's blog). I've never been to Monkey Rock and Matt and his brother both looked at me like there was an alien behind me when I told them that little fun fact.

I quickly replied.

 

Me: ALWAYS! When

 

Matt: Now.my brother can come pick you up. I'm with my coworkers

 

Me: Okay!

 

Matt: Sorry about the late notice!

 

Me: Oh, no worries. I mean I was only saving the world, but I can put a hold on that...

 

A joke, of course. David, Matt's brother picked me up a few minutes later as I was running around my apartment looking for everything I might need. I swear, if my head wasn't securely attached, I'd lose it.

 

So, we went to Monkey Rock! ON A MOTORCYCLE! I was a little bit excited about that. I had never been  on a motorcycle until today and it was awesome! I've been converted.

 

Monkey Rock is BEAUTIFUL! Matt and David wanted to touch the rock behind the waterfall, and so touch the rock we did. It was a bit difficult to go against the current, but we finally found a spot that we could easily get behind the fall. It was really cool to be behind the fall, a little bit difficult to see because of the water running down the rock into your face, but other than that, it was fascinating.

*That's Matt up there...you can't really see him, but that's him unknowingly photo bombing my picture.*

Matt taught me how to skip rocks, because, again, he looked at me like there was a alien invasion happening behind me when he found out that I could not nor have I ever skipped rocks before. I know, I know: WHAT?! I just never learned. It was pretty embarrassing at first, but Matt and David kept coaching me, and I wouldn't say I'm a pro BUUUUT...I finally got the hang of it.

 

We went to Kiwi Loco after and then we decided that we were all pretty hungry, so Matt and David went home, changed, went to the store, came back to my apartment (after I had changed and tidied up a bit) and Matt made us biscuits and gravy! We then watched Top Gun, because I had never seen it...I know! So many "firsts" for me today. It was good! Kind of sad, but good! I enjoyed it!

 

It was a pretty awesome day.

I would have put a picture of David's awesome bike, but I forgot to take one while I had the chance...darn.

ANYWHO, that was my fantastic day! I hope yours was just as splendid!

Enjoy my song of the day!
It's country! (RIGHT?!)

 

 

 



Rain in Rexburg

It doesn't happen too often, but there was a beautiful thunderstorm tonight in Rexburg.

The quote "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain," come into my mind.

 

So we did. Tonight, we danced in the rain.
 

 

 

Excuse the corny HSM3 song, but, it fit the mood.

This I Believe

This is just a random little post because I didn't blog about my week on Sunday, like I usually do.

I found this little jewel when I was looking through old Facebook messages. I had sent it to my sister in 2010 in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. It was an English assignment for my english class. We had to write about what we believe. Well, I'll just let you read it/ Presenting, words of wisdom from my 15 year old self:

 

The greatest failure of all is giving up on yourself, your dreams, and your talents. You are you for the reasons that you have different opinions, dreams, hopes, and talents. Letting go of all those things because you’ve faced a trial, heartache, and/or rejection is the greatest of failures. Believing that you can’t, wont, or don’t want to achieve much in life is part of that failure.

There is nothing more unique and beautiful than the passion and love that someone has for a dream, talent, or hope. The most crushing, painful sight to see, is someone give up on themselves, their dreams, and their talents. Your dreams and hopes can take you to extreme heights beyond your imagination, but only if you let them and don’t give up. Giving up means backing into a cold stone of fear that sheds no light on your dreams. If you doubt yourself and your dreams, then you give permission for others to doubt you also.

“I have a dream…” are the famous four words of Martin Luther King Jr. He had a dream, just like everyone that has lived, now lives, or will live on this earth. I have many dreams, that seem impossible to achieve, and at many points in my life I became so discouraged by what others said, I didn’t believe that I could achieve them. I believe that dreams are just imagination until you make them your reality. Being someone who has known since I was three years old what I want to do with my life is hard because sometimes I have no support from friends, family or myself. I often surround myself with ideas of ‘what could be’ and ‘what if’, rather than ‘what is’ and ‘how to take the next step’. In the hopes of fulfilling my life long dreams, I’ve been through so much heartache and rejection that often times have made me lose sight of what I wanted.

Giving up is easier than believing in yourself, but believing makes you stronger. It has definitely strengthened me

Shelly Long said, “If you don’t quit, and don’t cheat, and don’t run home when trouble arrives, you can only win.” Don’t quit just because you feel like the trials you’ve faced are too great and that you can’t succeed in what you love to do.